Tears

Sigh.

A lot has been going on the past few weeks. Today and yesterday were filled with tears.

Today my grandmother died. She's my dad's mom and she was very old. It was time for her to go, and she is better off now. But it is still sad. We didn't make it to see her in time to say goodbye. None of her family was with her when she died. But, she did die in her sleep, simply faded away over the course of a few days.

The family will converge in Winston on Friday, and some of my aunts and uncles have never met Louise, so it should be a somewhat happy reunion, now that we all know that Grandma is finally resting and no longer suffering in her old age.

I was already crying buckets before I found out about my grandma. The engineering business in Asheville is suffering due to the tanking economy, so I must leave my nest and my baby bird and go back to work full time to help our family financially. I have these things to be thankful for and I know it:

I got a job in days, no problem.
They are allowing me to work 8am-3pm, which is still full time, but gives me more time with Louise.
I found a great childcare center for Louise, no waiting list.
We are all healthy.
I've had 2 wonderful years at home with Louise.

That said, I’m still sad about leaving Louise in fulltime daycare. I know people do it all of the time and she’ll be fine. I know this, but I’m still so sad. I’ll miss our playgroup pals, the library, the park, all of those loving and teaching moments. I’m sad that when she grows up she’ll have no memory of being at home with Mama all day.

Anyway, we’ll make it work, and we’ll be really happy, I know. Many people do this and many children go to daycare right after maternity leave. I’m remembering to count my blessings even while I shed these little tears.

On a brighter note: I have lots of sweet photos from the past week and a funny video or two to post, but I’ll have to do it later. Stay tuned, the next post will be more uplifting.